For so many women, the fertility journey begins with hope, determination and a belief that fertility treatment will eventually deliver a child. But for some, there comes a point when the treatments, the waiting, and the heartbreak start to feel heavier than the hope.
If you’re in that space, like I was once was, wondering whether to keep going or to stop treatment and consider not have children (or more children), you’re not alone.
In a compassionate conversation on this week’s Cycles and Seasons, I sat down with therapist and author of The Baby Decision, Merle Bombardieri, who has spent over 35 years guiding women and couples through parenthood decision-making. Merle offers wisdom that is both practical and heart-centered, and together we explored what it really takes to make this decision without regret.
Here are two key takeaways from our conversation that might help you if you’re standing at this crossroads:
1. Give Yourself Permission to Grieve—Fully
Merle reminds us that grief is not a sign of weakness; it’s a necessary step toward clarity. Without making space for the anger, sadness and disappointment you’ve carried, you can’t truly know what you want next.
She uses a beautiful metaphor: “The way to control a bull is to give it a big pasture.” In other words, allow your feelings the room they need instead of trying to fence them in. Whether your grief is expressed through tears, anger or quiet reflection, letting it move through you will help you approach your decision from a grounded place rather than from pain or exhaustion.
2. You Don’t Have to Go It Alone
Trying to make such a life-defining decision in isolation can leave you feeling stuck in a loop of “what ifs” and second-guessing.
Merle encourages leaning on trusted helpers and healers: support groups, counselors, coaches, or friends who truly “get it.” And if your current circle doesn’t understand the complexity of your decision, it’s okay to seek out communities who do, whether that’s in person or online.
Why This Matters
Deciding to stop fertility treatment and embrace life without children isn’t about “giving up.” It’s about choosing the life that will ultimately bring you peace, fulfillment and connection.
As Merle says, “Thousands of people who once felt as devastated as you do now are living fabulous lives, whether they became parents or embraced being child-free.”
If you’re in this place of uncertainty, I invite you to listen to the full episode. You’ll find compassionate guidance, practical exercises and the reassurance that you can move forward into a life you love, whatever that looks like for you.
Listen on Apple, Spotify or wherever you enjoy podcasts.
xo,
Jennifer