When I was trying to get pregnant, the holidays were a mixed bag – I wanted to feel festive and I felt guilty that I didn’t. And yet, I love big family dinners and putting up the Christmas tree and holiday traditions. So I needed to figure out what was going to work for me, and what wasn’t.
I’ve pulled together my best advice for you, based on my own experience and years of working with women who are navigating a fertility journey.
1. Set Boundaries
- You don’t need to attend every event you’re invited to. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to decline.
- Have an exit strategy. Set a time limit for how long you’ll stay and let the host know you may need to leave early. If you’re attending with your partner, plan a phrase or word that signals to the other, “I need to get out of here, now.”
- Prepare responses in advance. People are generally well-meaning, but inevitably someone’s going to ask an inappropriate question like, “When are you having kids?” Have your response ready, such as:
- “We’re enjoying where we are right now.”
- “That’s a private topic for us. Thanks for understanding.”
2. Create Your Own Traditions
- If friend or family gatherings feel too painful, start your own Thanksgiving or holiday ritual with your partner, friends, or even solo. Cook a special meal, go for a hike, or snuggle up with a series you’ve been meaning to binge.
3. Prioritize Self-Care
- Move your body. Go for a walk, dance to your favorite song, or practice restorative yoga.
- Rest. Holidays can be exhausting. Build in downtime to recharge.
- Breathe. Practice deep breathing or mindfulness techniques to help stay present and grounded.
4. Lean on Support
- Surround yourself with a person or people who understand your journey. This might be a partner, a close friend, or a support group. If you’re going to a dinner or other gathering, who can help redirect conversations or provide emotional support?
- Consider if you need to be helped, heard or hugged, and ask for that.
5. Remember It’s Okay to Feel What You Feel
- Give yourself permission to grieve, feel anger or experience joy. All your emotions are valid, and it’s okay to ride the waves of this season without judgment.
6. Focus on What You Can Control
- Focusing on small, meaningful actions like cooking, decorating or even organizing your space can help you feel grounded.
7. Find Joy in Connection
- While fertility struggles can feel isolating, moments of genuine connection – whether with a partner, a pet, or a close friend – can help lighten the emotional load.
I’m so glad you’re part of my community, and I hope these suggestions help.
I’m sending you lots of love this Thanksgiving and for the holiday season.
xo,
Jennifer